How to Be a Kind Dater, the World is Crazy Enough as it is
1. Guy who ate both of our sandwiches on the way to meet me for a picnic = mean dater
2. Girl who is on time and attentive during the date = kind dater
3. Guy who ghosted on you after two dates = mean dater
4. Guy who sends you a text to make sure you got home okay = kind dater
5. Girl who talks about her ex and herself the entire date = mean dater
We sometimes don’t treat our dates with the respect they deserve, so this month we are exploring how to be a kind dater. There’s enough unkindness in the world as it is. Many of us have forgotten that simple Golden Rule we were taught in kindergarten. It went something like this, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” Remember it now?
I recently ran into a friend who was heading to happy hour with two Tinder dates lined up: one at 6:00 pm and another at 7:00 pm. How can we truly get to know the person in front of us when we’ve got the clock ticking to head off to date #2?
What’s the point of dating if we are not genuinely interested in learning about our dates? This person could potentially end up being our life partner.
How to Be a Kind Dater
#1: Consider everyone as a person, not a profile.
We are unique and with each date we can discover something new about ourselves and each other.
#2: Talk is not cheap!
Give your potential date a ring (on the phone) before you meet. You can get an idea of whether or not the prospect will be fun to hang out with. I’ve been told by suitors that they actually like it when a girl calls before a date. Of course, he gets bonus points if he calls first!
#3: Have a positive attitude and know yourself—it’s the only way to separate your ego from your soul.
Don’t be judgmental when you first meet your date. I’ve always tried to approach a date with a new guy with a fresh, positive outlook and make every possible effort to NOT let past dating disasters interfere with the man of the moment. Remember, there is no universal truth when it comes to individuals. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. The trick is to find someone whose personality complements yours, and vice versa. Of course, if he’s simultaneously picking his nose and scratching his ass, and/or constantly adjusting his balls, move along.
#4: Put your cell phone away.
There’s no need to have your cell phone sitting on the bar during a date. Your date deserves your undivided attention. It’s not a good sign if your date constantly checks his cell phone, or leaves it on the table so he can glance at it for any incoming messages. If he answers his phone or texts during a first date, that’s even worse. These faux pas should be taken as a warning sign of what’s to come (like possibly being ignored and neglected if you were to get into a relationship with this person). If he runs his own business, it’s even more important that a guy is able to separate work from play.
#5: Ditch the ghosting act.
Let’s stop with the ghosting, people! It’s just flat out rude. We are adults and should be able to politely tell someone we are not interested, rather than falling off the face of the earth only to be seen again trolling around on multiple dating sites. If you get ghosted, it’s okay to move on without looking back. There’s no point replaying that last date in your mind over and over again, or trying to figure out if you did something wrong. Some things simply can’t be explained.
#6: Be a good conversationalist.
Empathize with your date. Ask questions about the other person. Focus on your date’s eyes when you talk. If he’s looking around the room, it’s a pretty good indication that you deserve better. If his conversation consists of an endless monologue about his job, you might get sick of it fast. No matter how much money he makes, or how much you might fantasize about jet setting around the world with him—if you can’t shake the nagging twinge in your belly, move on.
On the other hand, If his conversation shows he is genuinely interested in you, chances are there are more dates in your future.
#7: No dick pics please.
If your date sends you any dick pics, RUN!
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#8: Just simply be kind.
Treat someone how you would want to be treated. If he doesn’t call or text, isn’t enthusiastic about seeing you, cancels your first date, doesn’t try to set up a second or third date, avoids you when you’re trying to introduce him to your friends, or doesn’t want to introduce you to his—MOVE ON!
So, while I fully advocate welcoming each new prospect with an open mind and an open heart, you should accompany those very friendly body parts with open eyes and ears. The vast majority of your dates are not going to develop into lasting relationships. However, going on lots of dates helps mold us into a better person and smarter dater.
And yes, in case you’re wondering, open legs are a no-no. Hold out to have sex as long as you can. You will both respect each other more and the build up is very exciting!
If a relationship doesn’t work out, move on, but be respectful. Don’t be a mean dater!