Gloria’s Lessons in Love
Have you ever been on a bizarre date? A simple enough question, you’d think. And, running through my own dating drive-by history, I become dizzy thinking of all the weirdos I’ve encountered.
But when I ask Gloria Duque, her answer is surprising: “I’ve met people with whom I have no romantic connection, but never a bizarre character. I try to steer clear of blind dates.”
ME: WOW! (mic drop!)
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to our fabulous HK neighbor Gloria, lover of life and cats and believer in unicorns and all happy things!
I recently sat down with Gloria for a glass of vino at As-Is to ask for her take on dating and living in New York City. From the moment I met Gloria, her positive vibes and infectious smile drew me in.
While many of us dating in the city will log onto our Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, OkCupid, Zoosk, Match, Hinge, (fill in your preferred dating app/site here), there are the rare few like Gloria, who has only been on less than a handful of dates met via that rectangle machine many of us have glued to the palm of our hand. She hasn’t been corrupted by the copious amounts of dating sites. In fact, the couple of dates Gloria met via swiping right she can count on less than two fingers AND it wasn’t so bad. Fortunate for Gloria she won’t develop premature carpal tunnel syndrome because she’s not swiping for potential suitors all the time.
Gloria believes in unicorns. And in a way, she is very much like this mythical creature. She’s organic and free-spirited. Gloria hasn’t been jaded by the depths of Hell that many feel is online dating. Gloria hales from the beautiful country of Columbia, where ever since she was a little girl she dreamed of living in New York City. Gloria has lived in Hell’s Kitchen for six months and enjoys its abundance of kickass restaurants and the neighborhood feel.
We all have a primal instinct and sexual chemistry is #1 on Gloria’s list for finding her partner in crime. She hopes to one day meet, “a beautiful American man that can’t speak Spanish and cannot understand anything” she says. More on her American dream man later…
Chatting with Gloria had me reminiscing about my own (millions) of dates I have been on. I thought to myself that I could have saved on a lot of unnecessary hangovers and Uber rides had I not fallen into serial dating binges and been a little more selective about whom I chose to go out with. I’m much wiser today!
“Would you rather get full at McDonalds or Eataly?” Gloria proposed. The answer is Eataly! Be selective. Our time is valuable.
I asked Gloria, “Do you think it’s really fair to give someone only one date?” From my own personal experience, I feel it (sometimes) takes more than one date to really figure out if there’s a spark. But Gloria, she just knows. She knows within the first ten minutes if there will be a second date. Gloria states she can tell within ten minutes of meeting a guy if there will be chemistry and she’s never been wrong.
M: I believe you said you’re an architect? Is this a male-dominated industry and do you feel you are treated with the same respect as your male counterparts?
G: It Is a heavily male-dominated industry, but I believe I get treated with even more respect than my male counterparts.
M: How long have you been single?
G: I have been single for over three years now.
M: What do you like about living in NYC?
G: I’m never, ever bored here. There is always something to do. I also feel that in NYC it is totally fine to be single, if you go to a bar by yourself no one is wondering if you are there just to hook up with someone. I feel that NYC is a city that loves us “loners.”
It’s difficult for people to be alone at a bar without any props [referring to always being on your phone]. It’s scary for some people.
Not for Gloria; she is as comfortable taking herself out on a date as she is dancing in front of a room of strangers.
M: What is your perspective on dating in NYC vs. back home in Colombia? What are some of the cultural differences?
G: I have never been a dater. Not even back in Colombia. I’ve been in long relationships but the process has been more organic, more natural. I never went on “romantic interviews” with my prospective mates. We just met in a natural environment (i.e., school, office, gym) and things just flowed. The same process happened in NYC. Since my divorce back in 2014, friends have set me up on dates with possible candidates but in most cases the romantic connection is just not there. I just let the “romantic river” flow wherever it needs to flow with out forcing any outcome.
In America there is a lot of pressure—especially for women—to find someone and get married, hence the need to date and date and date. This becomes another item on your to-do list. We should change that and start dating ourselves more often, treat us to massages, special dinners, vacations, flowers—do all the things we are expecting someone to do for us. If I don’t love myself madly, who would?
M: Why do you like American men?
G: Love them. When American men love they love hard! They fall in love and they are so loyal! I love them and I want one for myself!
M: When you find this American man please ask if he has a twin brother!
M: What’s the best thing you like about dating in NYC?
G: The restaurants! How can one get bored with all the possibilities? The delicious wine, the hors d’oeuvres, the music! And if all this happens while looking at a beautiful man across the table, BINGO!
M: What’s the worst thing about dating in NYC?
G: There are many gorgeous men that are gay. Love the gays but that just means less men for me!
M: I agree! But it’s always a blast time going to the gay bars and not having to worry about what you look like naked the next day because you know you won’t be leaving the bar with anyone. 😉
M: Thoughts on dating apps?
G: I opened a Tinder account—against my will—and went on one date with a very cool guy. Things didn’t workout in a romantic way but we became friends. When I say friends, I mean it in a virtual way, we like each other’s Instagram and Facebook postings, which is totally fine with me. After this failed attempt at romance I closed the account, as I found it extremely addictive. I found myself compulsively “Tindering” (as in swiping left or right) every time I had free time in my hands. It became another excuse to be glued to my phone and yet I had no one (but my cats) to snuggle with at night.
M: How do you meet guys?
G: I like to meet guys in my own environment, AKA places where I can just be myself, e.g., the gym, my dance studio, art exhibits, workplace (inappropriate but it happens!), etc.
People are more relaxed in their natural environment when they participate in hobbies, for example dancing.
Gloria takes dance lessons two times a week and she has locked eyes a couple of times with one of the other dancers.
G: Chemistry happens organically and there are no awkward moments of silence like you might have meeting someone blind.
M: I can’t wait to find out if this eye locking leads into anything!
M: What’s one of the best dates you’ve been on? And did you learn something new about yourself?
G: I met a beautiful guy in a restaurant once. We went on a couple of dates and the romantic connection—at least on my part—was there. Sadly, things ended but I learned that love can bite you—and usually does—when you least expect it. When you finally let your guard down and stop “looking for love” and just relax and enjoy life, beautiful things start to happen.
M: What are your thoughts on intimacy in a relationship?
G: Ladies, DO NOT GIVE IN SO EASILY! We have all been victims of our own hormones but in the long run, I think it’s so much more rewarding to get to know the other person better before being intimate. Only time can tell if the other person is there just to have some bed action or if he’s really there because he cares about you.
M: How do you think you’ll know you’ve met a keeper?
G: You just know. Your beautiful intuition will guide you if only you quiet your mind and start listening to your own self. Is he treating you tenderly, answering your messages in a timely manner, setting time apart just to spend with you, bringing you flowers, listening to what you have to say, honoring his commitments with you? If the answer is “yes,” then you might have a keeper on your hands.
If in the contrary the asshole hardly answers your messages, is always “busy,” treats you like shit, calls you at the very last minute to see you (especially in the middle of the night), has never given you even a piece of candy, and doesn’t even remember your cat’s name, then for Christ’s sake, do yourself a favor and STAAAAHP this “relationship” in its tracts. You are better off spending your precious time with your gorgeous self. And with your cat.
M: You have an amazing energy and good vibes! Where do you think this stems from?
G: You are so sweet. Thank you. I learned years ago that the only person in this world responsible for my happiness is MYSELF. Being at ease with yourself, living with no regrets, and living your life the way you want to brings a self-peace and self-love that can only radiate into good vibes! Yes I get fuckin’ angry sometimes! And yes I feel awful afterwards. Humans are meant to be happy. Any other feeling makes my belly ache.
M: Name an interesting talent or fun fact about yourself?
G: I can dance Argentinean tango. And I also believe in Unicorns.
M: What’s your favorite restaurant in the city?
G: I’m in love with Dirty Candy at the moment. I’m the type of person who likes to be loyal to places that treat me right. Dirty Candy is a delish vegan place with great wine and cute staff.
M: What are you passionate about?
G: I love animals, arts, fashion, love, wine, and architecture, among other things. Fantasy moment: Me in a beautifully designed restaurant wearing couture next to a gorgeous American blond man drinking wine and being totally in love with each other. Extra points if the room is full of kittens.
M: Words of advice for women (and men) trying to navigate the Manhattan dating pool?
G: Don’t. Seriously, don’t do it! Just focus on yourself and being the person you want to fall in love with. Would you love to have next to you someone that speaks French? Then go ahead and sign up for those Frenchie classes you’ve wanted to do for years. Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir, anyone?
And please relax! Enjoy your single days, savor them as the most precious wine you have ever tasted because, trust me, one day when you find yourself ten years into the “perfect relationship” you dreamt about all your life, you are going to look back and say: “I miss my single days sooo much!” Enjoy your life NOW!
I believe life doesn’t give you what you want; I think life gives you what you need. Do you want a boyfriend so badly, but life keeps giving you lonely nights? Then maybe the Universe is telling you: “When you learn to be happy by yourself, then I will move heaven and earth and give you the beautiful man you are longing for.” It’s very difficult to self-analyze oneself. That’s why sometimes we just need to trust that the Universe has our back and that everything we want eventually will make its way into our lives, if we only allow things to happen naturally.
What I’ve learned from Gloria and from my own years on the NYC dating scene: Just be yourself and do your thing! Live your life, live in the moment, smile, say hello, look up, and get your face out of your damn phone for a few minutes. People will naturally be attracted to you when maybe they can actually see your eyes. And also, take up dance lessons. It’s good for the soul and you’ll burn calories.
Do you think you have what it takes to sweep Gloria off her feet? As long as you’re not crazy (crazy in like I might stalk you and show up on your door step—yes, this actually happened to me!) please email me at MaryGenevaNYC@gmail.com with a fun date idea and why you would like to take Gloria out.