Lip Slut

Lip Slut

With all these years in the dating trenches under my belt, I realized it was time for some New Rules (shout out to Bill Maher):

I will no longer sleep with anyone on the first, second, or even the “magical” third date. After Burak, I quickly learned that holding out as long as possible allows you to become more comfortable with each other and not feel like a total slut if they bail later on in the “relationship” or courting phase. I’ve managed to stick to this rule… More or less.

Why? Because—reality! Sweating up the sheets with someone so early in the game never goes anywhere. Of course, holding out until the sixth date never goes anywhere, either, but for some reason it just feels better this way.

But when you’re attracted to a new guy, and the attraction is mutual, you’ve still got to do something to release the tension. I’ve solved this sticky problem by relegating my carnal activities to varying degrees of lip locking.

Hence the term “Lip Slut.”
Don’t bother to check Webster’s, as it isn’t in there—yet. So allow me to define it here: Lip Slut
English, USA
Noun
Definition: Someone who just wants to make out and nothing else.

If you’re currently in the midst of a serial dating binge, I highly recommend this activity. Once you try it and get a little practice, you’ll be surprised at the erotic satisfaction that can be derived through the experience. Although, admittedly, my dates haven’t always mirrored my enthusiasm. But you know what, ladies? That’s just tough. There’s a new sheriff in town and I’ve decided after years on the “campaign trail” that it’s my—and our—turn to call the shots.

At least we have our dignity, if nothing else, locked in.

I’ve gotten so good at Lip Slut-hood (or is it Lip Slut-dom?), at this point, I could easily compete for a gold medal in the Olympics—if they only recognized this delicately honed skill as the athletic feat it is.

Naturally, if a viable candidate pops up on the horizon, I am not averse to lifting the “above the neck restriction,” but in the meantime, I’ve been told I’m a very good kisser!