The Love Slide
Tinder is over. Bumble is out. The Millennials are sliding.
Have you ever had someone slide into your Instagram? Sounds kind of weird and a bit kinky at the same time. I have had many guys, and possibly creatures, slide up into my direct messages multiple times with proposals of meeting or hooking up. “Slide” is an actual term for when an admirer sends you a direct message. It is a word that Millennials use to send DMs [direct messages] through social media. I read a New York Post article a while back about how Millennials, who we often define as those ages 18-34, are finding love on Instagram [IG].
Call me old fashioned in my mid-30s but I think it’s a horrible idea to meet someone on Instagram. IG should not turn into another dating app. We have evolved into a dating culture where nothing is sacred anymore.
You see, despite that fact that I’m on the cusp of being a Millennial, I am much more in tune with Generation X. My high school days were filled with grunge music (i.e. Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, etc.), hanging out at the local mall, and waiting for my beeper to go off with codes such as 143 (I love you), 07734 (hello), and 436 (hugs and kisses). Yes, the beeper. This was before nine-year-‘ olds were given cell phones. Hell, I didn’t even own a Razor flip phone (hot pink, may I add!) until I was a freshman in college and it wasn’t until I was divorced at the ripe old age of 26 that I discovered the world of online dating. Except for that one guy I met when I was 17 in an AOL chat room but more on that later. Long gone are the days when your crush would send “143” to your pager and you would have to borrow a quarter from your bestie and run to the nearest payphone to call him back.
Too much, too soon:
My guess is that many people are using Instagram as way to meet their match because they believe their profiles show a true representation of who they are. vs. the traditional online dating routes of filling in the blanks on a dating site’s mundane profile questionnaire. What questions can you ask someone met through IG if you already have insta-access to their world? If their profile consists of endless pics of what they ate that day, vacations, and the aforementioned happy hour and gym selfies, there’s nothing to be left to the imagination. It leaves nothing to discover about the person sitting across from you on the date when you agree to meet. Isn’t dating supposed to be exciting? There’s nothing new to share if you already know everything about the person. Especially when they try and slide the dick pic into your DM.
The DP (dick pick) has taken on a whole new means of transportation via DM. I know first hand what’s behind that private message and it’s likely a DP having experienced the blown up shlong jumping off my iPhone when I innocently accepted a message, once thus resulting in my spilling hot coffee all over my blouse. I have already received my fair share of DP’s the old fashioned way, i.e. via email or text (gross!). Stop creeping on my ‘gram.
The likes:
If you’re liking pictures posted over a year ago, this reeks of borderline stalker. How much time does a person have on their hands to sift through over 3,000 pictures? This time could be spent pursuing an interest such as joining a social Skee-Ball league in which you may end up meeting someone new and going on a good ole’ fashioned date.
There’s a guy in my hood who wasconstantly sliding into my DMs. He usually sent me messages when he was out drinking and asked me to meet him; I declined. I got a twinge in my belly that just didn’t feel right. I also have had a few guys send me direct messages that are the same exact messages I receive on dating apps/sites. Some of the messages I have infiltrating my IG inbox include, “You’re hot” and “Hi.” No substance or thought whatsoever behind using more than two words.
I call this spraying.
Kind of like a cat marking his territory. In the digital world, if you send out enough two-word messages someone is likely to respond back. IG is turning into a new platform to meet your next date provided they can articulate more than a couple of words in person.
These IG’ers took insta-sliding off screen and it led a couple of them on quite the adventures:
Dan from Hell’s Kitchen had a whirlwind date with a woman he met on IG and it turned into a $2,000 night!
Jennifer from Chelsea said she recently hooked up with someone seeing them troll her Insta stories. “It was my version of playing Harriett the Spy,” she said.
Amanda from Queens found herself hooking up with a Nicaraguan coffee importer that led to a 12-month, cross-country affair! He replied to her through an account they both followed, then requested to follow her, then she messaged him over a clever joke. The flirting back and forth ensued and they exchanged numbers and pictures. He lived in California, so whenever someone was on the right coast they would connect for dates, dinner, and sex. “It was fun and casual,” stated Amanda but she would not meet anyone through Instagram again.
Yume from Portland said, “Tinder-matching with people you’ve followed for a long time on IG is probably a less sketchy, more productive experience.”
I wanted to find out why more and more people are insta-sliding to meet their next date so I sat down with 26-year-old Mark over whiskey to pic his brain about IG dating and here’s what he had to say:
“IG is the place to find culture. IG is the first app we use in the bathroom.”
(I hope he washes his hands!)
Mark went on to share that many millennials are not getting anything out of Tinder or Bumble anymore so they are going to IG as a way to find a date. For guys, according to Mark, it’s an easy way for them to find stocks of good-looking girls.
(rolling my eyes)
“A follow request is a low barrier way to start a conversation. It’s an easy way to talk to someone. It’s easier to ask for someone’s IG handle when you’re out at the bar than it is a phone number these days.”
According to Mark, the key to building rapport with someone you want to ask out on a date on IG is as follows:
1: You follow them
2: Like a picture
3: They like one of your pics and you’re like okay cool!
4: Then you send a message and hopefully a chat will ensue eventually leading up to a real live date.
“But you have to build conversation, and it takes time to build.
On IG you can be funny and clever; it takes work to get a date on IG but when you do it’s usual a quality date. IG is a faster way to qualify a date.”
Side note: Mark always takes his first dates out to dinner because he feels food is sexual.
Mark has had good dates with women met on IG and in fact he has a 2nd date lined up next week he’s really looking forward to!
Chatting with Mark about how he meets his dates had me reminiscing about the first guy I ever met through technology at 17 years young in an AOL dial up chat room! Oh Anthony! We ended up dating for a year; he was my first love. I sometimes wonder what ever happened to Anthony, but I digress. Dating through technology sure has come A LONG WAY since the annoying
erhhhHhHRRRRReeee AOL dial up connection noise (all the while hoping and praying no one would pick up the telephone and kick you off line)!
For better or for worse, Instagram dating appears to be an evolution and there is obvious evidence that IG is connecting people with their next date; however, I’ll leave the insta-sliding to the under 30 set. As for myself, I’m old school. I’m taking it back to Match.com.