Real-life couples – and singles – get real on romance:Interviews with NYC’s, Hells Kitchen neighborhood couples (and singles) about their attitudes to romance, Valentine’s, and all that smoochy stuff.

I want to lighten up the mood this week and take a break from sharing my dating horrors. This week’s article is all about love.

Why? Because it’s time for Valentine’s Day, and I made a promise to myself that I will not be bitter this year. I will not cry into my martini for the eighth year in a row when I see my Instagram friends post pictures of their significant others, the babies they spawned, and the flowers or half-melted chocolates delivered to their offices (no gagging, Mary!).

This year is different. I want to celebrate love (perhaps I’m turning over a new leaf?). So I sat down with three Hell’s Kitchen couples and asked them about their thoughts on love, their most embarrassing moments together, and advice for those of us who are trying to navigate the sticky Manhattan dating scene.

I also sat down with three singles – so if anyone wants me to play matchmaker, I’m game! I’d love to shoot off a couple of Cupid’s arrows … although I can’t promise you I won’t end up sitting behind you on your date taking notes.

Couples

Jennifer, a comic, writer, filmmaker, and kick-ass mom lives with Chris, a TV/film music producer and editor.

OK, so first things first, how did you meet and how long have you been together?

We’ve been friends for 20 years and together for 10.

How did your partner mosey their way into your home and what was their first item left behind? How did you feel about this?

Our relationship went from zero to 60 overnight and, since we had been friends for ten years prior to getting together, there was no “trial period.” However, a couple months before the shift happened, apparently Chris had a “crush” on me. He came over to my house with the intention of talking to me about this and instead asked to borrow a hammer.

Jennifer, I Google stalked you and read you have five children! That’s freakin’ amazing. How do you balance your work/family life, and still find quality time for each other?

I do my best to keep things separate. When I’m home, I’m home and not talking about work, and when I’m working I try and ignore the five million phone calls and texts from my children. It doesn’t work, they always find me.

So, we all agree that everybody is on their best behavior in the beginning, but name your partner’s most embarrassing moment.

On one of our first trips together we went to Vancouver. I forgot a comb and used a fork instead to comb my hair.

Tiffs happen, right? It’s part of the deal. Share one of your fights and why you can laugh about it now?

We only fight about stupid things. Everything important we agree on. One ongoing debate in our house is the proper way to put on the toilet paper roll. Chris insists that the roll is to hang over. I say it doesn’t matter and put it on backwards sometimes just to annoy him.

What is your favorite date spot in Hells Kitchen?

Cocktails at 44&1/2 followed by dinner at Mercato

Words of advice for those looking for love in the Manhattan dating pool?

If an old friend knocks on the door and asks to borrow a hammer, by all means answer the door. Friends do make the best lovers.

Knowledge is power. So name one thing the other person has taught you.

Chris taught me not to worry so much. It’s like paying interest on a loan that may never come due. Chris says I’ve taught him empathy.

Valentine’s Day – Hallmark holiday or most romantic day of the year?

Definitely Hallmark holiday. We never go out on Valentine’s Day. In fact, we have a fun tradition where we have people over (singles, couples etc) and I make beef bourguignon and we celebrate friendship.

Jon, an accountant lives with J.B. an engineer. They are parents to Roxie, their rescued Doberman.

How did you meet and how long have you been together?

JB: Ten and a half years – we met in a bar in Atlanta. He spotted me across the bar and asked for somebody to introduce him. So he called and invited me out to a baseball game. Our first official date was to an Atlanta Braves baseball game three days later.

Jon: OK, so it’s my turn to tell the story. I had just finished with the worst date of my entire life. So my buddy Eddie calls me and I was home just stewing, and Eddie says: “We’re on the way to your house, we’re picking you up and we’re going out.” I said: “No, I just got home from this horrible date.” Eddie said: “Let me rephrase this: we’re going to be there in five minutes so either get ready or we’ll drag you out looking like shit.” So I went out.

The second I walked into the bar, I’m looking around and I see this strikingly handsome man. It was almost like there was this light shining on him. And I was like: “That one, right over there!” I go and introduce myself to the group and I stop when I get the JB and say: “Hey, would you like to go on a date with me? Can I have your phone number? I’d like to call you later.” He said: “Sure,” so I got out a pen and wrote his phone number on my hand. Which, even though I had a cell phone in my pocket, felt a little more intimate.

I called him the next day and invited him to a Braves game, which was our first date. And although it was a fantastic date, it turns out we both hate baseball.

How did your other half dilly-dally their way into your home and what was their first item left behind?

JB: We are pretty sure it was toothbrushes. Followed by T-shirts or something. We both had a drawer.

How did you feel about this?

Jon: it was a very natural progression. I think we both wanted to move more of our stuff into each other’s place because then you don’t have to lug it back and forth. If you forget your toothbrush then you’re stuck with morning breath all day.

Everybody is on their best behavior in the beginning, but name your partner’s most embarrassing moment.

JB: We are very different. Jon will say anything on his mind and I’m way more reserved. So that’s been an adjustment over ten years, I just have to roll with it. For example, when we first met you (Mary), Jon asked if you wanted to be a surrogate mother for us. You can’t just walk up and ask someone to be a surrogate!

How do you balance work and play, and find quality time for each other?

JB: I love to cook. The one way we really connect on a regular basis is by having a nice dinner. So that’s our time together, it’s a ritual.

Jon: Also, waking up early to have a proper breakfast together. We eat together every morning. That time is really a great way to start the day. We also have steak and sex nights.

What’s your favorite date spot in the Kitchen?

Jon: Starting off with a cocktail at Rise, followed by noodles at Totto Ramen, and finished with gay cowboys at Flaming Saddles.

JB: A perfect date for me is a meal at home. We have a gorgeous roof so we go up there quite a bit and it’s like an escape. Have a home-cooked meal, go to the roof, have a glass of wine, watch the sunset …

Words of advice for those looking for love in the Manhattan dating pool?

JB: Just be open because you never know. You have to go through a lot of bad dates to get there.

Jon: 1: I think you have to be bold but allow yourself to be vulnerable. You have to take a chance at getting hurt. You have to acknowledge that this person is good and is good for me and makes me happy. No one is perfect but I’m happy.

2: Fall in love with your best friend.

3: If you find someone kind, try extra hard.

Name one thing the other person has taught you.

Jon: How to live in the moment and enjoy life. And, vocabulary. Words! His vocabulary is massive. To this day, ten years later, I learn new words on a weekly basis. I don’t believe him that it’s a real word and I have to google it. I love that and am so turned on by a good vocabulary.

JB: I get joy by doing things for him.

Hallmark holiday?

It’s amateur night.

Val, a project manager working in clinical research, lives with Kory, a business management consultant.

They are kitty parents to Murphy and Marley.

How did you meet and how long have you been together?

We met at the annual Canada Day party that takes place at Mama’s Bar in the East Village. We were both seeing other people at the time but managed to exchange contact info and pursue a friendship for two years before finally getting together in the spring of 2014. I was in Paris when Kory texted: “Are you home and are you single?” Since then, we are team ValKor.

How did your partner mosey their way into your home?

The first time he was ever at my place was when he stopped by with some of his friends on a night they were out and about. It was a casual, fun, friendly first visit. My geriatric cat liked him right off the bat, so that was enough for me.

So, we all agree that everybody is on their best behavior in the beginning, but name your partner’s most embarrassing moment.

I moved in with him after four months, with geriatric cat in tow. Cut to one month living together (five months dating) and my dear late feline decided to use the entire apartment as her toilet. I was mortified, continuously chasing her around and cleaning her mess. It may help to know Kory is the clean, OCD type and this was clearly not what he signed up for.

He took it like a champ and was extremely patient, making me fall even more in love with him. Turns out she was in her last year of life and very sick.

Now, for HIS most embarrassing moment — he went out to a buddy’s stag a month after I moved in (I was likely at home cleaning up my cat’s mess) and stumbled in at 4am barely able to put a sentence together. I woke up, saw him at the end of the bed, then he was gone! He bailed hard and hit the floor. While he was embarrassed the next day, I couldn’t stop laughing at him.

Tiffs, they happen, right? It’s part of life’s dating game to disagree. Share one of your petty fights and why you can laugh about it now?

We always laugh off our silly disagreements the next day and don’t ever really argue. Apparently I don’t fold the towels properly and he’d always refolds them. Now I just let him do all the folding.

What is your favorite date spot in Hell’s Kitchen?

We love our quaint, small, 9th Avenue dive bars. As for a dinner out, we fancy Bea on 43rd St and 9th Ave.

Knowledge is power. So name one thing the other person has taught you.

He has taught me more about music than I ever thought I’d know in my life. Sometimes it’s neat to hear the story behind a lyric or to walk by a building in New York and be told who wrote what album in that hotel. At first it was endearing because it was new. But now it’s just more of an annoying nuisance than anything. If anyone wants a history lesson in American music, I’ll rent him out to you by the hour.

V-Day: most romantic day of the year or annoying way for flower shops, Victoria’s Secret, and fancy restaurants to make money?

Valentine’s Day is so annoying to us that we have considered getting married on February 13 so that in the future we can celebrate our anniversary the day before and will forever have an excuse NOT to participate in the commercial cash-grab.

Singles

Rob, interior designer and father to Saffy the chihuahua.

Valentine’s Day – Cupid’s arrow or weapon of mass destruction?

I usually hide on Valentine’s Day and eat candy. Last guy I dated wasn’t a fan of these types of “holidays” and my Valentine’s dreams were crushed. LOL.

Do you consider yourself romantic?

Yes, very romantic. I feel whenever you are with a person you have high interest for, you should make it magical: an at-home intimate dinner with wine and a good movie. And I like to send a guy a handwritten card after a real date.

Describe one the most disastrous dates you’ve been on.

A guy brought his mother with him. That was the last time I had someone fix me up with her “best friend,” who had obvious mommy issues! It was a short date, let’s say that.

What are looking for in a partner in crime?

A person who is like-minded in hobbies and interests. Someone whose eyes just speak to me and we instinctively react with similar thoughts and actions, finishing one another’s sentences. My PIC must be a person who wants and desires activity and spontaneity but could also be happy at home cooking with me and watching TV. This guy must also love animals.

Name an interesting talent or fun fact about yourself.

I like square dancing and swing dancing. Fifties big bands are a favorite!

Carrie, human resources director and Bella the chihuahua’s human.

Valentine’s Day – Cupid’s arrow or weapon of mass destruction?

Weapon of mass destruction.

Are you romantic?

Maybe slightly, but not overly romantic. I don’t really like all of that “mushy” stuff.

Why do you think you’re single?

I actually enjoy my time alone and being independent. I have a very full life so I’m not going to just plug a random man into it in order to not be single.

Describe one the most disastrous dates you’ve been on.

Probably the guy who got really drunk and insisted on walking me home. Then he asked to use my bathroom and proceeded to throw up and then pass out on my bathroom floor. I couldn’t get him to wake up. I didn’t want to get my doorman involved (we all know how much they gossip) so I took my dog and slept at my neighbors’. However, I couldn’t sleep knowing this practical stranger was in my apartment so I made my neighbor come back with me to see if he was still there. Oh, he most certainly was … IN MY BED! At that point I lost it and started screaming at him, which thankfully woke him up and he left. The next day I got a text from him asking when he could see me again. Obviously I did not respond.

Michael, marketing manager and brunch enthusiast.

Valentine’s Day – Cupid’s arrow or weapon of mass destruction?

Gigantic f*cking weapon of mass destruction. You either mess up and ruin the night or it’s amazing and then you realize a few months later that you had that “amazing” experience with someone who you now want to walk into oncoming traffic on the West Side Highway.

So, are you romantic?

I know it doesn’t sound like it but, actually, yes.

What is your approach to romance?

Every action of love should be based on the person. Repeating romantic acts isn’t romance, it’s copy and paste. To be romantic, do something that means a lot to that one person.

Describe one the most disastrous dates you’ve been on.

My biggest pet peeve on a date is if a guy is rude to people who are taking care of us. I had a guy who snapped at our waiter at a pretty nice restaurant, wouldn’t make eye contact with him, and was basically pompous and arrogant to anyone working there. I stopped the date by getting up, saying: “It was nice meeting you,” and giving the waiter $40 to apologize. I hope he got the memo.

What are looking for in a partner in crime?

A Ren to my Stimpy. A Gary to my Ace. A Dumb to my Dumber. A Superman to my Batman.

Describe your perfect Valentines Day from start to finish.

Skiing all day, laughing the whole time, hot cocoa, a dinner by a fireplace, and ending the night with a sweet but passionate kiss and knowing there’s a round two or 20.

Name an interesting talent or fun fact about yourself.

I am the king of the home-cooked meal/dinner party. Screw Bobby Flay, I wanna throw down with Ina Garten!

On that note, I just want to say I had so much fun with these couples and singles. The common theme, whether you’ve been hit by Cupid’s loved-tipped arrow or flying solo, is that LOVE is a VERB. It’s something you do … a lifestyle, not just a feeling. So go ahead and show your partner, friends, pets, neighbor, that you love them. Love on!

Follow my adventures on Twitter and Instagram @marygenevanyc.

You can also buy my book Tales from the Shallow End of the Manhattan Dating Pool on www.nicknamesnyc.com.

And you can share your most bizarre dating story with me.

Email marygenevanyc@gmail.com.